Moccasin Gap – April 2012
By Brad (BC) Carver
Howdy from Moccasin Gap. Well, here it is April already. Where did winter go? It was seventy-degrees in February. You know what this means, don’t you? Al Gore was right. Aaaaaggggghhhhhh!!!! Now it’s April, spring time is in the air. We can get out and play more and do more outside. There’s Thelma Earl watering her flowers, Elbert Caldwell is planting his garden, things are looking pretty good ‘round here. High School baseball season is in full swing and folks ‘round here are buzzing with excitement – buzzing that comes from a jug from Cousin Clyde’s still.
Warm weather and moonshine just seem to go together, nothing better than hittin’ the jug on a warm, sunny day. Besides, April is Alcohol Awareness Month. Folks in Moccasin Gap are definitely aware of alcohol, and we’re aware that government alcohol is way more dangerous than Cousin Clyde’s Shine.
And it’s Stress Month, what better way to get rid of stress than with a swig o’shine? Of course April is also National Grass Month which reminds me, I have to see Cousin Clyde’s wife, the lady with the green thumb, but that’s another story.
Of course all good things don’t happen in April. There is some serious stuff too - National Sexually Transmitted Diseases Education and Awareness Month. And if you drink too much shines and do too much grass you could easily get STD’s. That’s why April is also National VD Month.
April is Child Abuse Prevention Month. You can avoid that by first avoiding alcohol. Do you see how it all comes together in April? April is the Come Together Month.
We’re on Daylight Savings Time now, so we have more time to come together. Our wonderful government gave us Daylight Savings time. Only the government would think if you cut off a foot at the top of the blanket and sew it to the bottom you would get a longer blanket.
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I really don’t have anything to write about this month, I’m just rambling on about stuff we celebrate in April. My mind is blank right now, can’t think of nary a thing. Maybe it’s because it’s Grass Month, I don’t know. I have come to the conclusion that my brain has a mind of its own. It does things and doesn’t tell me. It leaves me and never tells me where it going or when it’s coming back. My girlfriend says I’ve lost my mind now, but I haven’t. I know exactly where it is, and it isn’t with me – it’s in a shoe box in her closet.
I’ll leave you with this little thought about the human brain: The human brain is like a piñata, when it breaks open there are lots of surprises inside. Once you get the piñata perspective – you will see that losing your mind – can be a peak experience. It all comes together.
Here’s to losing your mind.
Brad (BC) Carver is a professional speaker/author. comedyofbc@aol.com 336-504-5839
Sunday, April 1, 2012
April is Lefty Awareness Week
The third week of this month is Lefty Awareness Week. The reason I bring this up is because I, like fifteen percent of the other people in this country happen to be left handed or trality, sinistromanuality, or mancinism the proper name for it. You’d have to be left-handed to understand. Historically, the left side, and subsequently left-handedness, was considered negative in many cultures. The Latin word sinistra originally meant "left" but took on meanings of "evil" or "unlucky." The French word gauche ("left") means clumsy, graceless or awkward, and adroit (related to droit, "right") means "dextrous". These secondary meanings have entered English. The Dutch expression "twee linkerhanden hebben" ("to have two left hands") indicates clumsiness. In Hebrew, as well as in other ancient Semitic and Mesopotamian languages, the term "left" was a symbol of power or custody.
We lefties are not evil nor are we unlucky. But we are ‘special.’ For example did you know that left-handers are more likely to be geniuses? Let me repeat that, did you know that lefties are more likely to be geniuses? If any of my old high school teachers are reading this – THERE, twenty-percent of all MENSA members report being left-handed.
On the down side, left-handed people are three times more likely to become alcoholics. Thank God I’m not one of them. I’m fortunate in that area. I used to get so drunk Rosanne Barr started looking good to me. If that won’t make you stop drinking, nothing will.
Lefties are more likely than righties to really, really hate a spiral notebook. I know I do.
Research conducted by Dr Nick Cherbuin shows that lefties are better at handling large amounts of stimuli, making them naturally better at playing video games. So let this be a lesson right-handers, avoid the left-handed video players. We will beat you every time.
Left-handers are believed to reach puberty about four to five months after right-handers. When you’re a genius it takes longer to bloom, you know. I find this to be amazing; it took me four to five years.
According to one study, left-handers live about nine years less than right-handers. But we accomplish more. Besides, we have so much information in our brains, it kills us.
Four of the five people who invented the Mac were left handed.
In his book Right-Hand, Left-Hand Chris McManus of University College London argues that the proportion of left-handers is increasing and left-handed people as a group have historically produced an above-average quota of high achievers. He says that left-handers' brains are structured differently in a way that increases their range of abilities, and the genes that determine left-handedness also govern development of the language centers of the brain.
I read somewhere once that about seven-hundred left-handed people a year die while trying to do something right-handed. The only problem with me is the way I put the paper on the desk when I write. Most left-handed people put the paper right but hold the pencil really weird with their hand wrapped around it. I hold my pencil right and turn my paper upside down. You sit across from me and you can see what I’m writing. And I’m no genius like the other left-handers, so don’t try to copy me. There are a lot of famous people who were left-handed including Joan of Arc, Ramses, Julius Caesar, Napoléon Bonaparte, Josephine, King Louis XVI, King George VI, King George II, Queen Victoria, Bart Simpson, and the list goes on. They say that left-handed people are more creative. We have to be, we live in a right-hand world.
So you left-handers take heed. You are the future of our country. Do the right things, Make the right choices – choose the left.
(Brad (BC) Carver is a professional speaker/author/humor therapist. comedyofbc@aol.com)
We lefties are not evil nor are we unlucky. But we are ‘special.’ For example did you know that left-handers are more likely to be geniuses? Let me repeat that, did you know that lefties are more likely to be geniuses? If any of my old high school teachers are reading this – THERE, twenty-percent of all MENSA members report being left-handed.
On the down side, left-handed people are three times more likely to become alcoholics. Thank God I’m not one of them. I’m fortunate in that area. I used to get so drunk Rosanne Barr started looking good to me. If that won’t make you stop drinking, nothing will.
Lefties are more likely than righties to really, really hate a spiral notebook. I know I do.
Research conducted by Dr Nick Cherbuin shows that lefties are better at handling large amounts of stimuli, making them naturally better at playing video games. So let this be a lesson right-handers, avoid the left-handed video players. We will beat you every time.
Left-handers are believed to reach puberty about four to five months after right-handers. When you’re a genius it takes longer to bloom, you know. I find this to be amazing; it took me four to five years.
According to one study, left-handers live about nine years less than right-handers. But we accomplish more. Besides, we have so much information in our brains, it kills us.
Four of the five people who invented the Mac were left handed.
In his book Right-Hand, Left-Hand Chris McManus of University College London argues that the proportion of left-handers is increasing and left-handed people as a group have historically produced an above-average quota of high achievers. He says that left-handers' brains are structured differently in a way that increases their range of abilities, and the genes that determine left-handedness also govern development of the language centers of the brain.
I read somewhere once that about seven-hundred left-handed people a year die while trying to do something right-handed. The only problem with me is the way I put the paper on the desk when I write. Most left-handed people put the paper right but hold the pencil really weird with their hand wrapped around it. I hold my pencil right and turn my paper upside down. You sit across from me and you can see what I’m writing. And I’m no genius like the other left-handers, so don’t try to copy me. There are a lot of famous people who were left-handed including Joan of Arc, Ramses, Julius Caesar, Napoléon Bonaparte, Josephine, King Louis XVI, King George VI, King George II, Queen Victoria, Bart Simpson, and the list goes on. They say that left-handed people are more creative. We have to be, we live in a right-hand world.
So you left-handers take heed. You are the future of our country. Do the right things, Make the right choices – choose the left.
(Brad (BC) Carver is a professional speaker/author/humor therapist. comedyofbc@aol.com)
Monday, March 26, 2012
Origin Of Donald Duck
Origin
Donald debuted in the cartoon The Wise Little Hen June 9, 1934 (IMDb entry). His first appearance in comics was in the comics adaptation of that the same year in the Silly Symphonies comic series.
Related characters
Donald lives in Duckburg with his three nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie. Other than that his most important relatives are his uncle Scrooge McDuck, his cousin Gladstone Gander, and Grandma Duck.
Probably the only time he refers to his mother in a story by Barks is in WDC 57 where he has disguised himself and says: My own mother wouldn't know me now!
He has a girlfriend, Daisy Duck.
In some Italian stories Donald has a super-hero alias, Superduck.
Birthday
There is nothing in the works of Carl Barks that indicates what Donald's birthday is.
One early reference is in the movie The Three Caballeros (1945) (IMDb entry), which takes place on Donald's birthday, which then fell on Friday the 13th. If the movie is supposed to take place in 1944 the only Friday 13 then is in October. In 1945 April and July would be possible, but in that case the movie took place in the future, as it was released in February 1945.
When a month has been given explicitly it has been March 13, like in Donald's Happy Birthday from 1949 (IMDb entry). That has been adapted into a comic story by Freddy Milton and Daan Jippes.
(Note that there are legends about these dates that associate them with actual dates in our world, like the day Donald first was drawn at the Disney studio. There is no truth to this, though.)
Nowadays most often the date of Donald's screen debut (June 9) is used for his birthday inside the frame as well. That's the case in Don Rosa's stories for example.
In Marco Rota's Buon compeanno, Paperino (= Happy Birthday, Donald) Donald says that he was born September 16, 1934 (i.e., date of first appearance in comics), but in the Italian reprint ten years later that was changed to June 9, 1934. The year of Donald's birth is 1920 according to Don Rosa.
Donald debuted in the cartoon The Wise Little Hen June 9, 1934 (IMDb entry). His first appearance in comics was in the comics adaptation of that the same year in the Silly Symphonies comic series.
Related characters
Donald lives in Duckburg with his three nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie. Other than that his most important relatives are his uncle Scrooge McDuck, his cousin Gladstone Gander, and Grandma Duck.
Probably the only time he refers to his mother in a story by Barks is in WDC 57 where he has disguised himself and says: My own mother wouldn't know me now!
He has a girlfriend, Daisy Duck.
In some Italian stories Donald has a super-hero alias, Superduck.
Birthday
There is nothing in the works of Carl Barks that indicates what Donald's birthday is.
One early reference is in the movie The Three Caballeros (1945) (IMDb entry), which takes place on Donald's birthday, which then fell on Friday the 13th. If the movie is supposed to take place in 1944 the only Friday 13 then is in October. In 1945 April and July would be possible, but in that case the movie took place in the future, as it was released in February 1945.
When a month has been given explicitly it has been March 13, like in Donald's Happy Birthday from 1949 (IMDb entry). That has been adapted into a comic story by Freddy Milton and Daan Jippes.
(Note that there are legends about these dates that associate them with actual dates in our world, like the day Donald first was drawn at the Disney studio. There is no truth to this, though.)
Nowadays most often the date of Donald's screen debut (June 9) is used for his birthday inside the frame as well. That's the case in Don Rosa's stories for example.
In Marco Rota's Buon compeanno, Paperino (= Happy Birthday, Donald) Donald says that he was born September 16, 1934 (i.e., date of first appearance in comics), but in the Italian reprint ten years later that was changed to June 9, 1934. The year of Donald's birth is 1920 according to Don Rosa.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Christmas in Moccasin Gap
It was Christmas Eve 1962 when Mom’s family had their Christmas party at our house. The reason was because mom had a broken ankle from an automobile wreck and was in a wheel chair. Before that we always had it at Aunt Odell’s house. I don’t know why, she didn’t live in the biggest house; she just had the most children. Aunt Odell had ten children and, also baby sat about half of Moccasin Gap. Uncle Clyde loved Aunt Odell and apparently he stayed out of work a lot.
The Christmas at our house was the best ever. Everyone was there except Uncle Nelson. We didn’t know where he was. Nobody knew. We figured he was on one of his drinking binges and out partying with his friends.
Grandma Carver was there too. She was old, like ninety seven, and very religious. She once claimed she saw the face of Christ in a Domino’s Pizza. She had it hanging on her living room wall and it was really strange. I was noticing one day that no matter where you stand in that room those two pepperonis were staring right at you. It will freak you out.
Uncle Mike always played Santa Clause because he had the biggest belly. It came from drinking all that beer. There’s nothing better than a Santa Claus with alcohol on his breath. And instead of “ho, ho, ho” he always went “he, he, he.” I don’t know to this day why he did that.
It was Christmas at our house that Uncle Gerald showed up with fireworks. Believe me, there is nothing more fun than a redneck with fireworks at Christmas time. Of course, Uncle Gerald used to drink like a fish too, he drinked moonshine. In fact, he got so drunk at our house that Christmas Eve he accidentally ate a whole box of Roman Candles. Then he lit a cigarette and shot off for about two hours. Parts of him went all over the back yard - a finger here, a toe there, we still haven’t found his nose. We think it flew into the dog house and the dog ate it. We pieced him back together the best way we could. He looks sort of like a Picasso now. We hung him on the living room wall at Grandma Carver’s house next to that Domino’s Pizza. Grandma Carver’s living room is becoming quite the art museum.
And we found out what happened to Uncle Nelson. The night before Christmas he got drunk, laid down, passed out, fell out of bed and rolled up under it. And he lay there all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, sleeping like a baby.
The lesson to be learned here is, don’t drink on Christmas or any other day for that matter. And always remember, alcohol and fireworks don’t go together.
The Christmas at our house was the best ever. Everyone was there except Uncle Nelson. We didn’t know where he was. Nobody knew. We figured he was on one of his drinking binges and out partying with his friends.
Grandma Carver was there too. She was old, like ninety seven, and very religious. She once claimed she saw the face of Christ in a Domino’s Pizza. She had it hanging on her living room wall and it was really strange. I was noticing one day that no matter where you stand in that room those two pepperonis were staring right at you. It will freak you out.
Uncle Mike always played Santa Clause because he had the biggest belly. It came from drinking all that beer. There’s nothing better than a Santa Claus with alcohol on his breath. And instead of “ho, ho, ho” he always went “he, he, he.” I don’t know to this day why he did that.
It was Christmas at our house that Uncle Gerald showed up with fireworks. Believe me, there is nothing more fun than a redneck with fireworks at Christmas time. Of course, Uncle Gerald used to drink like a fish too, he drinked moonshine. In fact, he got so drunk at our house that Christmas Eve he accidentally ate a whole box of Roman Candles. Then he lit a cigarette and shot off for about two hours. Parts of him went all over the back yard - a finger here, a toe there, we still haven’t found his nose. We think it flew into the dog house and the dog ate it. We pieced him back together the best way we could. He looks sort of like a Picasso now. We hung him on the living room wall at Grandma Carver’s house next to that Domino’s Pizza. Grandma Carver’s living room is becoming quite the art museum.
And we found out what happened to Uncle Nelson. The night before Christmas he got drunk, laid down, passed out, fell out of bed and rolled up under it. And he lay there all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, sleeping like a baby.
The lesson to be learned here is, don’t drink on Christmas or any other day for that matter. And always remember, alcohol and fireworks don’t go together.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Moccasin Gap at Thanksgiving Time by Brad (BC) Carver
Greetings from Moccasin Gap where the weather is refined the women are alluring, the men are wholesome and the “children are so endearing you could just eat them, and about twelve to fifteen years later you will wish you had.” I remember hearing that old joke a long time ago, back when the Dead Sea was only sick. Yes, it’s been that long. Then I had my little boys, now nine and five years old, and I love them so much. Oh, my lord, I’m so glad I didn’t eat them. And I miss not being with them every day. You see, I’m going through hymeneal problems right now. And the future doesn’t look too bright. In situations like this, everything always falls in favor of the woman. In my case it was worth it, but I know of several good daddies who cannot see their children because of conjugal problems. It isn’t fair. Believe it or not, we daddies really do miss our children’s soccer games and scout meetings. We miss not hearing them say they love us and hug us good night every night, and we miss just watching them sleep. You have the luxury of that, we don’t. Just give us a break, that’s all I’m saying.
There’s not much action around here, at least not for someone my age. I’m 61-years old. And I’m living in a little one horse town called Moccasin Gap - for the second time. Why twice, you may ask? Well, the first time I was here is when I was born until I was eighteen. The hospital I was born in later became a hotel and then a shelter for the homeless and now it’s all boarded and about to be torn down, another landmark in Moccasin Gap gone with the wind.
I graduated in 1968 and immediately moved away. I couldn’t wait to get out of this little one horse town. Besides, I found out that the main road went beyond the county line. It’s amazing how we think when we’re young and how our thoughts change as we grow older. When I was eighteen, I wanted to absquatulate this place, couldn’t wait to get out. When I was fifty I couldn’t wait to move back. This is God’s Country, who knew? In between I spent fifteen years in radio and twenty-five years as a stand-up comic. It was a wild ride but I survived it.
Moccasin Gap is a political little town, and there are only a handful of last names. Gentry’s and Long’s take up about half the phone book. There are a lot of Carver’s in the Moccasin Gap Phone book, too, both black and white, and I’m related to both, and proud of it. They all show up for Thanksgiving Dinner and we all sit around that big ol’ kitchen table full of fat, unhealthy foods cooked in 100% pure animal fat and butter, and we give thanks that we all have one another and that we’re all still alive after eating this way for so long. “All for one and one for all”, said Uncle Leroy as we all turned up our shot glasses filled with “shine”.
Thanksgiving food is my favorite kind of food, the turkey, the dressing, the green beans, the cornbread, the biscuits, the punkin’ pie, the pickled pig’s feet – everything but the cranberry sauce. I never cared too much for the cranberry sauce. It looked kind of weird, like it was trying to pass itself off as jello, but it couldn’t quite make it. It couldn’t get the jello jiggle right. Then you taste it and realize it’s not Jello, it’s a devious impression of the famous Bill Cosby tasty treat, and that somewhat astringent taste sticks with you for awhile, oh, I loathe that. Cranberries aren’t made to be sauce. That’s kind of like fried Twinkies. It just don’t seem right. I cogitate the pilgrims thought of cranberry sauce. The Native Americans would never eat anything so repugnant. To us cranberry sauce ranks up there, or - down there - with Es Cargo, and Caviar; oh yeah, snails and fish eggs; yum, yum. May I please have a second helping of snail and pita bread? Those French know how to eat, don’t they? And they call us crazy for eating mountain oysters; the nerve of those French. I once knew a French guy who wouldn’t eat mountain oysters until he found out what they were. Then he couldn’t wait to try them. Now he’s hooked on mountain oysters. We gave him a new nickname; Jean Luc LaNut. (I’m sorry for that, folks. It’s all I could think of. Believe me, I’m a safe distance from genius here.)
Besides, the only sauce we ever cared about ‘round here is the kind we just drank that dear ol’ Uncle Clyde made. Everybody knows of Uncle Clyde’s “silly shine moonshine-mine-mine-mine, make me whine, down the line, I’m cryin’, made way back in the hills above the ever greens, by Uncle Clyde Carver in his bib-all jeans.” Drinking’ that stuff will make you talk like that. It’s called redneck rapping. Uncle Clyde is a legend, kind of like Rufus the catfish down in Carver’s Creek; quite an honor to be that kind of legend in these parts. And Uncle Clyde’s wife Aunt Pearl has a green thumb. In fact she has an entirely green hand. Or was it gangrene? I don’t remember. Those two are the reason things are so pleasant all the time here in Moccasin Gap. Here is to Uncle Clyde and Aunt Pearl. Thank you, thank you so much for all that you have done to keep me alive, stress free, happy, and laughing as my life became inferior. Thank you for all the good times that I will never remember and some that I’d like to forget. Thank you for all the times I woke up and asked, “What happened?” Thanks to you I now realize I can actually sleep with my head in the toilet bowl – or in the hole at the outhouse, which is really gross, but enough about that. Let’s move on.
And now, my political rant. Remember, election time is soon. Don’t forget to vote, and vote right or we will all be inferior. Uncle Clyde and Aunt Pearl can’t produce enough medication for everybody. By the way, I was wonderin’ how many zeros are there in one trillion dollars, anybody know? I’m guessing it’s a lot. We’d better find out how many there are, because at present owe about twelve of them, and us, our children, our grandchildren, our great-grandchildren, and probably children beyond that will be paying for it. And it’s only going to get worse if we don’t change it. I’ll bet the Chinese know zeroes there are; just something to think about while the Democrats are in control. Ya’ll come see us here in Moccasin Gap now, you hear? We’re about five-hundred miles from nowhere right on the state line.
There’s not much action around here, at least not for someone my age. I’m 61-years old. And I’m living in a little one horse town called Moccasin Gap - for the second time. Why twice, you may ask? Well, the first time I was here is when I was born until I was eighteen. The hospital I was born in later became a hotel and then a shelter for the homeless and now it’s all boarded and about to be torn down, another landmark in Moccasin Gap gone with the wind.
I graduated in 1968 and immediately moved away. I couldn’t wait to get out of this little one horse town. Besides, I found out that the main road went beyond the county line. It’s amazing how we think when we’re young and how our thoughts change as we grow older. When I was eighteen, I wanted to absquatulate this place, couldn’t wait to get out. When I was fifty I couldn’t wait to move back. This is God’s Country, who knew? In between I spent fifteen years in radio and twenty-five years as a stand-up comic. It was a wild ride but I survived it.
Moccasin Gap is a political little town, and there are only a handful of last names. Gentry’s and Long’s take up about half the phone book. There are a lot of Carver’s in the Moccasin Gap Phone book, too, both black and white, and I’m related to both, and proud of it. They all show up for Thanksgiving Dinner and we all sit around that big ol’ kitchen table full of fat, unhealthy foods cooked in 100% pure animal fat and butter, and we give thanks that we all have one another and that we’re all still alive after eating this way for so long. “All for one and one for all”, said Uncle Leroy as we all turned up our shot glasses filled with “shine”.
Thanksgiving food is my favorite kind of food, the turkey, the dressing, the green beans, the cornbread, the biscuits, the punkin’ pie, the pickled pig’s feet – everything but the cranberry sauce. I never cared too much for the cranberry sauce. It looked kind of weird, like it was trying to pass itself off as jello, but it couldn’t quite make it. It couldn’t get the jello jiggle right. Then you taste it and realize it’s not Jello, it’s a devious impression of the famous Bill Cosby tasty treat, and that somewhat astringent taste sticks with you for awhile, oh, I loathe that. Cranberries aren’t made to be sauce. That’s kind of like fried Twinkies. It just don’t seem right. I cogitate the pilgrims thought of cranberry sauce. The Native Americans would never eat anything so repugnant. To us cranberry sauce ranks up there, or - down there - with Es Cargo, and Caviar; oh yeah, snails and fish eggs; yum, yum. May I please have a second helping of snail and pita bread? Those French know how to eat, don’t they? And they call us crazy for eating mountain oysters; the nerve of those French. I once knew a French guy who wouldn’t eat mountain oysters until he found out what they were. Then he couldn’t wait to try them. Now he’s hooked on mountain oysters. We gave him a new nickname; Jean Luc LaNut. (I’m sorry for that, folks. It’s all I could think of. Believe me, I’m a safe distance from genius here.)
Besides, the only sauce we ever cared about ‘round here is the kind we just drank that dear ol’ Uncle Clyde made. Everybody knows of Uncle Clyde’s “silly shine moonshine-mine-mine-mine, make me whine, down the line, I’m cryin’, made way back in the hills above the ever greens, by Uncle Clyde Carver in his bib-all jeans.” Drinking’ that stuff will make you talk like that. It’s called redneck rapping. Uncle Clyde is a legend, kind of like Rufus the catfish down in Carver’s Creek; quite an honor to be that kind of legend in these parts. And Uncle Clyde’s wife Aunt Pearl has a green thumb. In fact she has an entirely green hand. Or was it gangrene? I don’t remember. Those two are the reason things are so pleasant all the time here in Moccasin Gap. Here is to Uncle Clyde and Aunt Pearl. Thank you, thank you so much for all that you have done to keep me alive, stress free, happy, and laughing as my life became inferior. Thank you for all the good times that I will never remember and some that I’d like to forget. Thank you for all the times I woke up and asked, “What happened?” Thanks to you I now realize I can actually sleep with my head in the toilet bowl – or in the hole at the outhouse, which is really gross, but enough about that. Let’s move on.
And now, my political rant. Remember, election time is soon. Don’t forget to vote, and vote right or we will all be inferior. Uncle Clyde and Aunt Pearl can’t produce enough medication for everybody. By the way, I was wonderin’ how many zeros are there in one trillion dollars, anybody know? I’m guessing it’s a lot. We’d better find out how many there are, because at present owe about twelve of them, and us, our children, our grandchildren, our great-grandchildren, and probably children beyond that will be paying for it. And it’s only going to get worse if we don’t change it. I’ll bet the Chinese know zeroes there are; just something to think about while the Democrats are in control. Ya’ll come see us here in Moccasin Gap now, you hear? We’re about five-hundred miles from nowhere right on the state line.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Facts on Thomas Jefferson
Thomas Jefferson
There are two parts. Be sure to read the 2nd part (in RED ]
Thomas Jefferson was a very remarkable man who started learning very early in life and never stopped.
� At 5, began studying under his cousin's tutor.
� At 9, studied Latin, Greek and French.
� At 14, studied classical literature and additional languages.
� At 16, entered the College of William and Mary.
� At 19, studied Law for 5 years starting under George Wythe.
� At 23, started his own law practice.
� At 25, was elected to the Virginia House of Burgesses.
� At 31, wrote the widely circulated "Summary View of the Rights of British America " and retired from his law practice.
� At 32, was a Delegate to the Second Continental Congress.
� At 33, wrote the Declaration of Independence .
� At 33, took three years to revise Virginia ’s legal code and wrote a Public Education bill and a statute for Religious Freedom.
� At 36, was elected the second Governor of Virginia succeeding Patrick Henry.
� At 40, served in Congress for two years.
� At 41, was the American minister to France and negotiated commercial treaties with European nations along with Ben Franklin and John Adams.
� At 46, served as the first Secretary of State under George Washington.
� At 53, served as Vice President and was elected president of the American Philosophical Society.
� At 55, drafted the Kentucky Resolutions and became the active head of Republican Party.
� At 57, was elected the third president of the United States
� At 60, obtained the Louisiana Purchase doubling the nation’s size.
� At 61, was elected to a second term as President.
� At 65, retired to Monticello .
� At 80, helped President Monroe shape the Monroe Doctrine.
� At 81, almost single-handedly created the University of Virginia and served as its first president.
� At 83, died on the 50th anniversary of the Signing of the Declaration of Independence along with John Adams
Thomas Jefferson knew because he himself studied the previous failed attempts at government. He understood actual history, the nature of God, his laws and the nature of man. That happens to be way more than what most understand today. Jefferson really knew his stuff. A voice from the past to lead us in the future:
John F. Kennedy held a dinner in the white House for a group of the brightest minds in the nation at that time. He made this statement: "This is perhaps the assembly of the most intelligence ever to gather at one time in the White House with the exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone."
There are two parts. Be sure to read the 2nd part (in RED ]
Thomas Jefferson was a very remarkable man who started learning very early in life and never stopped.
� At 5, began studying under his cousin's tutor.
� At 9, studied Latin, Greek and French.
� At 14, studied classical literature and additional languages.
� At 16, entered the College of William and Mary.
� At 19, studied Law for 5 years starting under George Wythe.
� At 23, started his own law practice.
� At 25, was elected to the Virginia House of Burgesses.
� At 31, wrote the widely circulated "Summary View of the Rights of British America " and retired from his law practice.
� At 32, was a Delegate to the Second Continental Congress.
� At 33, wrote the Declaration of Independence .
� At 33, took three years to revise Virginia ’s legal code and wrote a Public Education bill and a statute for Religious Freedom.
� At 36, was elected the second Governor of Virginia succeeding Patrick Henry.
� At 40, served in Congress for two years.
� At 41, was the American minister to France and negotiated commercial treaties with European nations along with Ben Franklin and John Adams.
� At 46, served as the first Secretary of State under George Washington.
� At 53, served as Vice President and was elected president of the American Philosophical Society.
� At 55, drafted the Kentucky Resolutions and became the active head of Republican Party.
� At 57, was elected the third president of the United States
� At 60, obtained the Louisiana Purchase doubling the nation’s size.
� At 61, was elected to a second term as President.
� At 65, retired to Monticello .
� At 80, helped President Monroe shape the Monroe Doctrine.
� At 81, almost single-handedly created the University of Virginia and served as its first president.
� At 83, died on the 50th anniversary of the Signing of the Declaration of Independence along with John Adams
Thomas Jefferson knew because he himself studied the previous failed attempts at government. He understood actual history, the nature of God, his laws and the nature of man. That happens to be way more than what most understand today. Jefferson really knew his stuff. A voice from the past to lead us in the future:
John F. Kennedy held a dinner in the white House for a group of the brightest minds in the nation at that time. He made this statement: "This is perhaps the assembly of the most intelligence ever to gather at one time in the White House with the exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone."
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Moccasin Gap - July 2011
Uncle Ralph was married to my daddy’s sister Emma. He owned the general store in Moccasin Gap and I used to work there when I got out of elementary school which was right across the street. It was a beautiful school, looked like the old schools of the 40’s and 50’s looked and it was owned by John Long who also owned the cotton mill in Moccasin Gap. I always got paid with an oatmeal cookie, never money, but I was happy, that’s all that mattered.
Next to the general store was the pharmacy. I don’t know why they called it that, Alvin Clayton who ran it didn’t have a pharmaceutical license and all he sold was aspirin. We just called it the Drug Store. It was more like a hangout for the school kids and the old guys to sit around and gossip and play checkers. I used to go with my dad there when he had a night off. It was usually open until around 8:30 PM which is late for Moccasin Gap. There was a pool table in the back room and that’s where the school kids hung out. The drug store was sort of like a poor man’s country club.
I used to buy donuts and long john’s and a fountain drink. I remember every time I’d buy a donut, Alvin would tell me, “Save the hole and you will get a free donut.” I’d eat all around the hole and take it back to him. He’d say, “There’s still donut around the hole. All I want is the hole, not the donut.” I’d eat a little more and take it back to him, but still too much donut around the hole. I finally figured out, there is no way you can save the hole, because if you eat all the donut around it you won’t be able to see it. So I gave up and started eating honey buns instead.
A lot times during recess me and a couple of other mischievous little boys like Ronnie Dixon would sneak across the street and get a fountain drink. We weren’t supposed to do it, but that’s what made it so cool. We were doing something we weren’t supposed to be doing and getting away with it. That’s gold to a twelve year old.
Once during recess me and Ronnie ran across the street to get a drink and when we came out of the drug store we saw the principle, Mr. Weldon, a huge man with an angry look of his face all the time, standing on the front porch of the school staring right across the street. We didn’t want him to see us, so we ducked behind a car and squatted down so we could be hidden from his view. We were squatting there, giggling, thinking we were getting away with something when the guy who drove the car got in it and pulled away. And there we were, squatting with drinks in hand and in plain view for everyone at school to see. Kids on the playground were laughing and pointing at us. It was humiliating.
What we got away with was a spanking. We didn’t get expelled. Actually we got two spankings, one from the principle and one from our parents. Back then it was okay for teachers to spank the children if they got out of hand. Try that today and you will get slapped with a lawsuit. My how times have changed? And you wonder what is wrong with children today. We never went across the street during recess again after that. Instead, my dad would bring the drinks across the street to us.
Uncle Ralph was a pretty cool guy. He never had much to say and he was always nice to the kids. I remember women used to come in the general store with a list of groceries. They would give it to Uncle Ralph and he would get the groceries off the shelf, bag them and give them to the ladies while they patiently waited.
One Sunday afternoon after church, Uncle Ralph took me and my cousin Lee to the Moccasin Gap Airport. Actually, it was just and old deserted cow pasture where small cub planes would take off and land. They had a couple of old wooden hangars there and Uncle Ralph knew one of the pilots. He asked him if he would mind taking all of us up in the plane.
I had never been in a plane before so this was a treat for me and Lee too. We went up in the air flying around and I asked Uncle Ralph, “What’s that small village down there?” Uncle Ralph said, “That’s Moccasin Gap.” I had no idea my hometown was so small. And what’s amazing is if you fly over it today it looks even smaller. My hometown, jjust like the old people in it, is actually shrinking.
Next to the general store was the pharmacy. I don’t know why they called it that, Alvin Clayton who ran it didn’t have a pharmaceutical license and all he sold was aspirin. We just called it the Drug Store. It was more like a hangout for the school kids and the old guys to sit around and gossip and play checkers. I used to go with my dad there when he had a night off. It was usually open until around 8:30 PM which is late for Moccasin Gap. There was a pool table in the back room and that’s where the school kids hung out. The drug store was sort of like a poor man’s country club.
I used to buy donuts and long john’s and a fountain drink. I remember every time I’d buy a donut, Alvin would tell me, “Save the hole and you will get a free donut.” I’d eat all around the hole and take it back to him. He’d say, “There’s still donut around the hole. All I want is the hole, not the donut.” I’d eat a little more and take it back to him, but still too much donut around the hole. I finally figured out, there is no way you can save the hole, because if you eat all the donut around it you won’t be able to see it. So I gave up and started eating honey buns instead.
A lot times during recess me and a couple of other mischievous little boys like Ronnie Dixon would sneak across the street and get a fountain drink. We weren’t supposed to do it, but that’s what made it so cool. We were doing something we weren’t supposed to be doing and getting away with it. That’s gold to a twelve year old.
Once during recess me and Ronnie ran across the street to get a drink and when we came out of the drug store we saw the principle, Mr. Weldon, a huge man with an angry look of his face all the time, standing on the front porch of the school staring right across the street. We didn’t want him to see us, so we ducked behind a car and squatted down so we could be hidden from his view. We were squatting there, giggling, thinking we were getting away with something when the guy who drove the car got in it and pulled away. And there we were, squatting with drinks in hand and in plain view for everyone at school to see. Kids on the playground were laughing and pointing at us. It was humiliating.
What we got away with was a spanking. We didn’t get expelled. Actually we got two spankings, one from the principle and one from our parents. Back then it was okay for teachers to spank the children if they got out of hand. Try that today and you will get slapped with a lawsuit. My how times have changed? And you wonder what is wrong with children today. We never went across the street during recess again after that. Instead, my dad would bring the drinks across the street to us.
Uncle Ralph was a pretty cool guy. He never had much to say and he was always nice to the kids. I remember women used to come in the general store with a list of groceries. They would give it to Uncle Ralph and he would get the groceries off the shelf, bag them and give them to the ladies while they patiently waited.
One Sunday afternoon after church, Uncle Ralph took me and my cousin Lee to the Moccasin Gap Airport. Actually, it was just and old deserted cow pasture where small cub planes would take off and land. They had a couple of old wooden hangars there and Uncle Ralph knew one of the pilots. He asked him if he would mind taking all of us up in the plane.
I had never been in a plane before so this was a treat for me and Lee too. We went up in the air flying around and I asked Uncle Ralph, “What’s that small village down there?” Uncle Ralph said, “That’s Moccasin Gap.” I had no idea my hometown was so small. And what’s amazing is if you fly over it today it looks even smaller. My hometown, jjust like the old people in it, is actually shrinking.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)