Christmas in Moccasin Gap

It was Christmas Eve 1962 when Mom’s family had their Christmas party at our house. The reason was because mom had a broken ankle from an automobile wreck and was in a wheel chair. Before that we always had it at Aunt Odell’s house. I don’t know why, she didn’t live in the biggest house; she just had the most children. Aunt Odell had ten children and, also baby sat about half of Moccasin Gap. Uncle Clyde loved Aunt Odell and apparently he stayed out of work a lot.
The Christmas at our house was the best ever. Everyone was there except Uncle Nelson. We didn’t know where he was. Nobody knew. We figured he was on one of his drinking binges and out partying with his friends.
Grandma Carver was there too. She was old, like ninety seven, and very religious. She once claimed she saw the face of Christ in a Domino’s Pizza. She had it hanging on her living room wall and it was really strange. I was noticing one day that no matter where you stand in that room those two pepperonis were staring right at you. It will freak you out.
Uncle Mike always played Santa Clause because he had the biggest belly. It came from drinking all that beer. There’s nothing better than a Santa Claus with alcohol on his breath. And instead of “ho, ho, ho” he always went “he, he, he.” I don’t know to this day why he did that.
It was Christmas at our house that Uncle Gerald showed up with fireworks. Believe me, there is nothing more fun than a redneck with fireworks at Christmas time. Of course, Uncle Gerald used to drink like a fish too, he drinked moonshine. In fact, he got so drunk at our house that Christmas Eve he accidentally ate a whole box of Roman Candles. Then he lit a cigarette and shot off for about two hours. Parts of him went all over the back yard - a finger here, a toe there, we still haven’t found his nose. We think it flew into the dog house and the dog ate it. We pieced him back together the best way we could. He looks sort of like a Picasso now. We hung him on the living room wall at Grandma Carver’s house next to that Domino’s Pizza. Grandma Carver’s living room is becoming quite the art museum.
And we found out what happened to Uncle Nelson. The night before Christmas he got drunk, laid down, passed out, fell out of bed and rolled up under it. And he lay there all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, sleeping like a baby.
The lesson to be learned here is, don’t drink on Christmas or any other day for that matter. And always remember, alcohol and fireworks don’t go together.