Moccasin Gap – April 2012
By Brad (BC) Carver
Howdy from Moccasin Gap. Well, here it is April already. Where did winter go? It was seventy-degrees in February. You know what this means, don’t you? Al Gore was right. Aaaaaggggghhhhhh!!!! Now it’s April, spring time is in the air. We can get out and play more and do more outside. There’s Thelma Earl watering her flowers, Elbert Caldwell is planting his garden, things are looking pretty good ‘round here. High School baseball season is in full swing and folks ‘round here are buzzing with excitement – buzzing that comes from a jug from Cousin Clyde’s still.
Warm weather and moonshine just seem to go together, nothing better than hittin’ the jug on a warm, sunny day. Besides, April is Alcohol Awareness Month. Folks in Moccasin Gap are definitely aware of alcohol, and we’re aware that government alcohol is way more dangerous than Cousin Clyde’s Shine.
And it’s Stress Month, what better way to get rid of stress than with a swig o’shine? Of course April is also National Grass Month which reminds me, I have to see Cousin Clyde’s wife, the lady with the green thumb, but that’s another story.
Of course all good things don’t happen in April. There is some serious stuff too - National Sexually Transmitted Diseases Education and Awareness Month. And if you drink too much shines and do too much grass you could easily get STD’s. That’s why April is also National VD Month.
April is Child Abuse Prevention Month. You can avoid that by first avoiding alcohol. Do you see how it all comes together in April? April is the Come Together Month.
We’re on Daylight Savings Time now, so we have more time to come together. Our wonderful government gave us Daylight Savings time. Only the government would think if you cut off a foot at the top of the blanket and sew it to the bottom you would get a longer blanket.
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I really don’t have anything to write about this month, I’m just rambling on about stuff we celebrate in April. My mind is blank right now, can’t think of nary a thing. Maybe it’s because it’s Grass Month, I don’t know. I have come to the conclusion that my brain has a mind of its own. It does things and doesn’t tell me. It leaves me and never tells me where it going or when it’s coming back. My girlfriend says I’ve lost my mind now, but I haven’t. I know exactly where it is, and it isn’t with me – it’s in a shoe box in her closet.
I’ll leave you with this little thought about the human brain: The human brain is like a piñata, when it breaks open there are lots of surprises inside. Once you get the piñata perspective – you will see that losing your mind – can be a peak experience. It all comes together.
Here’s to losing your mind.
Brad (BC) Carver is a professional speaker/author. comedyofbc@aol.com 336-504-5839
Sunday, April 1, 2012
April is Lefty Awareness Week
The third week of this month is Lefty Awareness Week. The reason I bring this up is because I, like fifteen percent of the other people in this country happen to be left handed or trality, sinistromanuality, or mancinism the proper name for it. You’d have to be left-handed to understand. Historically, the left side, and subsequently left-handedness, was considered negative in many cultures. The Latin word sinistra originally meant "left" but took on meanings of "evil" or "unlucky." The French word gauche ("left") means clumsy, graceless or awkward, and adroit (related to droit, "right") means "dextrous". These secondary meanings have entered English. The Dutch expression "twee linkerhanden hebben" ("to have two left hands") indicates clumsiness. In Hebrew, as well as in other ancient Semitic and Mesopotamian languages, the term "left" was a symbol of power or custody.
We lefties are not evil nor are we unlucky. But we are ‘special.’ For example did you know that left-handers are more likely to be geniuses? Let me repeat that, did you know that lefties are more likely to be geniuses? If any of my old high school teachers are reading this – THERE, twenty-percent of all MENSA members report being left-handed.
On the down side, left-handed people are three times more likely to become alcoholics. Thank God I’m not one of them. I’m fortunate in that area. I used to get so drunk Rosanne Barr started looking good to me. If that won’t make you stop drinking, nothing will.
Lefties are more likely than righties to really, really hate a spiral notebook. I know I do.
Research conducted by Dr Nick Cherbuin shows that lefties are better at handling large amounts of stimuli, making them naturally better at playing video games. So let this be a lesson right-handers, avoid the left-handed video players. We will beat you every time.
Left-handers are believed to reach puberty about four to five months after right-handers. When you’re a genius it takes longer to bloom, you know. I find this to be amazing; it took me four to five years.
According to one study, left-handers live about nine years less than right-handers. But we accomplish more. Besides, we have so much information in our brains, it kills us.
Four of the five people who invented the Mac were left handed.
In his book Right-Hand, Left-Hand Chris McManus of University College London argues that the proportion of left-handers is increasing and left-handed people as a group have historically produced an above-average quota of high achievers. He says that left-handers' brains are structured differently in a way that increases their range of abilities, and the genes that determine left-handedness also govern development of the language centers of the brain.
I read somewhere once that about seven-hundred left-handed people a year die while trying to do something right-handed. The only problem with me is the way I put the paper on the desk when I write. Most left-handed people put the paper right but hold the pencil really weird with their hand wrapped around it. I hold my pencil right and turn my paper upside down. You sit across from me and you can see what I’m writing. And I’m no genius like the other left-handers, so don’t try to copy me. There are a lot of famous people who were left-handed including Joan of Arc, Ramses, Julius Caesar, Napoléon Bonaparte, Josephine, King Louis XVI, King George VI, King George II, Queen Victoria, Bart Simpson, and the list goes on. They say that left-handed people are more creative. We have to be, we live in a right-hand world.
So you left-handers take heed. You are the future of our country. Do the right things, Make the right choices – choose the left.
(Brad (BC) Carver is a professional speaker/author/humor therapist. comedyofbc@aol.com)
We lefties are not evil nor are we unlucky. But we are ‘special.’ For example did you know that left-handers are more likely to be geniuses? Let me repeat that, did you know that lefties are more likely to be geniuses? If any of my old high school teachers are reading this – THERE, twenty-percent of all MENSA members report being left-handed.
On the down side, left-handed people are three times more likely to become alcoholics. Thank God I’m not one of them. I’m fortunate in that area. I used to get so drunk Rosanne Barr started looking good to me. If that won’t make you stop drinking, nothing will.
Lefties are more likely than righties to really, really hate a spiral notebook. I know I do.
Research conducted by Dr Nick Cherbuin shows that lefties are better at handling large amounts of stimuli, making them naturally better at playing video games. So let this be a lesson right-handers, avoid the left-handed video players. We will beat you every time.
Left-handers are believed to reach puberty about four to five months after right-handers. When you’re a genius it takes longer to bloom, you know. I find this to be amazing; it took me four to five years.
According to one study, left-handers live about nine years less than right-handers. But we accomplish more. Besides, we have so much information in our brains, it kills us.
Four of the five people who invented the Mac were left handed.
In his book Right-Hand, Left-Hand Chris McManus of University College London argues that the proportion of left-handers is increasing and left-handed people as a group have historically produced an above-average quota of high achievers. He says that left-handers' brains are structured differently in a way that increases their range of abilities, and the genes that determine left-handedness also govern development of the language centers of the brain.
I read somewhere once that about seven-hundred left-handed people a year die while trying to do something right-handed. The only problem with me is the way I put the paper on the desk when I write. Most left-handed people put the paper right but hold the pencil really weird with their hand wrapped around it. I hold my pencil right and turn my paper upside down. You sit across from me and you can see what I’m writing. And I’m no genius like the other left-handers, so don’t try to copy me. There are a lot of famous people who were left-handed including Joan of Arc, Ramses, Julius Caesar, Napoléon Bonaparte, Josephine, King Louis XVI, King George VI, King George II, Queen Victoria, Bart Simpson, and the list goes on. They say that left-handed people are more creative. We have to be, we live in a right-hand world.
So you left-handers take heed. You are the future of our country. Do the right things, Make the right choices – choose the left.
(Brad (BC) Carver is a professional speaker/author/humor therapist. comedyofbc@aol.com)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)